Phrases You Use That Undermine Your Own Leadership
"Never apologize for taking up space" -Katy Jimenez
You might think you’re being polite, relatable, or self-aware. You might even think you’re making people more comfortable. But the truth is, some of the things you say—without even realizing it—are quietly chipping away at your authority.
No, I’m not talking about big, obvious mistakes like lying or micromanaging. I mean the small, seemingly harmless phrases that tell people: I don’t fully trust myself, so maybe you shouldn’t either.
Here are five phrases leaders need to drop immediately if they want to be taken seriously.
1. “I won’t take up too much of your time.”
Well, you just did. Right out of the gate, you’ve signaled that your words aren’t worth much and that whatever you’re about to say is an inconvenience. Leaders don’t apologize for being in the room—they own the space.
If you respect people’s time, show it by being concise and clear—not by verbally shrinking yourself. Instead, try:
✅ “I’ll be brief—here’s what I need from you.”
✅ “Let’s get right to it. Here’s what we need to discuss.”
2. “I was in your seat… I used to…”
Oh, were you? That’s fascinating. But what you used to do doesn’t automatically make you credible now.
Sure, experience matters, but bringing up your past every time someone faces a challenge makes it about you, not them. Worse, it often comes off as dismissive—as if their current struggle isn’t valid because you supposedly mastered it years ago.
Instead of flexing your past, show relevance:
✅ “Here’s something I learned that might help.”
✅ “I get how tough this is—what’s the hardest part for you right now?”
3. “I’m just checking in.”
This one seems harmless, but let’s be honest: It sounds like you’re apologizing for existing. Leaders who use passive language like just and checking in weaken their own presence.
Research on assertive communication shows that hedging language makes people less likely to take action. If you’re leading, lead—be clear about why you’re there:
✅ “I wanted to hear how X is going and see if you need support.”
✅ “I’d love a quick update on Y so we can plan next steps.”
Confession time: This is my action step. My friend and colleague, Katy Jimenez, said to me on my first week at my new job: Never apologize for taking up space. It’s something I am still practicing.
4. “Does that make sense?”
Asking this is like telling people, I’m not sure I even made sense, so let me outsource my confidence to you.
Instead of making it sound like your words were unclear, assume clarity and give people space to engage:
✅ “What questions do you have?”
✅ “How does that sound to you?”
This keeps them in conversation mode instead of comprehension validation mode.
5. “I don’t have all the answers.”
No kidding. No one does. But saying it out loud? It unnecessarily undercuts your authority. You don’t have to pretend you know everything—you just have to be confident in how you’ll figure things out.
Frame it as collective intelligence, not personal deficiency:
✅ “Let’s figure this out together.”
✅ “Here’s what I do know, and here’s what we still need to determine.”
Final Thought: Say It Like You Mean It
Leadership isn’t about knowing everything, taking up the least amount of space, or constantly softening your presence. Your words shape how people perceive your authority—and whether they trust you to lead.
Drop the self-undermining language and own your voice.
P.S. I wrote this for myself because I do ALL of these.
I'm sorry, Ms. Doe (Part 2)
It’s back-to-school professional development and the room is buzzing with educators, all eager to gather insights they can take back to their classrooms. After joking about technology cooperating, the facilitator steps up, and within minutes, your hopes for an engaging session start to dwindle.
