Why "Have you ever thought about..." Is the Worst Coaching Question

It can actually be kind of insulting

Imagine a person standing before a locked door, jiggling the handle, trying different keys, maybe even banging on it in frustration. Then along comes a coach who, instead of offering a new key or helping pick the lock, asks:

"Have you ever thought about opening the door?"

Of course, they’ve thought about it!

Many well-intentioned coaching phrases seem helpful on the surface but actually undermine trust and engagement. One of my least favorite is “Have you ever thought about...”

• “Have you ever thought about using a timer to manage transitions?”

• “Have you ever thought about moving your desk to a different part of the room?”

• “Have you ever thought about incorporating more student-led discussions?”

This phrase is like handing someone a tangled ball of string and asking if they’ve ever considered unknotting it—without acknowledging that they might have already spent hours trying. It assumes ignorance instead of struggle. It subtly suggests that the person hasn’t thought deeply about their own work, which can feel dismissive or even insulting.

---

Why It Falls Flat

1. It assumes they haven’t thought about solutions. Most teachers have spent time considering ways to improve. They don’t need a reminder to think—they need support figuring out what works.

2. It can feel condescending. The subtext often reads, "If you had thought about this, you wouldn’t still have the problem." Not exactly a confidence booster.

3. It doesn’t move the conversation forward. Instead of opening up discussion, it invites a yes/no answer or defensiveness:

   • "Yes, I’ve thought about it." (End of conversation.)

   • "No, but… (I feel kind of dumb now.)"

---

A Better Alternative

Instead of "Have you ever thought about…?", try:

• "I noticed that [describe the situation]. What have you tried so far?" → Acknowledges effort and invites reflection.

• "What’s feeling like the biggest roadblock?" → Focuses on problem-solving without assuming they haven’t already thought about solutions.

• "I have an idea that might be helpful. Want to hear it?" → Gives them agency instead of leading them into a rhetorical trap.

Good coaching isn’t about pointing out the obvious—it’s about unlocking what’s already there. Let’s stop jiggling the door handle and actually help people find the key.