What Would It Look Like to Let Go of That Thinking?
Coaching question of the week
The Coaching Question
“What would it look like to let go of that thinking?”
When to Use This Question
When a teacher or leader is holding onto a belief that is keeping them stuck, small, or exhausted.
When someone is caught in a cycle of perfectionism, shame, comparison, or fear.
When coaching around identity-level narratives that feel protective but are limiting growth.
When someone is ready to move forward but feels tethered to an old mental model that no longer serves them.
The Problem This Question Aims to Solve
Many educators and leaders carry beliefs that once helped them survive—but now keep them from unlocking new parts of themselves. Thoughts like “If I don’t do it all, it won’t get done,” or “I have to be perfect to be respected,” can feel like truths, but they’re actually barriers. This question invites deep reflection on what could be possible—mentally, emotionally, and professionally—if they released those patterns. It is a compassionate invitation to consider a lighter, freer way of being.
The Research Behind It
Immunity to Change (Kegan & Lahey, 2009) – Letting go of protective mental models is a key step in adult development and behavior change. We must surface and examine the beliefs that keep us in self-protective loops.
Narrative Psychology (i.e. Bruner, 1990, Mileham, 2015) – The stories we hold about ourselves shape our identity. When we edit or release a story, we free ourselves to author a different future.
Cognitive Behavioral Science (i.e. Beck, 1979, ) – Letting go of unhelpful thoughts reduces cognitive distortion and emotional reactivity, allowing for more adaptive responses.
Mental Load and Burnout Research (i.e. Maslach, 1981, Edú-Valsania et al., 2022) – Holding onto stress-inducing beliefs contributes to chronic exhaustion. Letting go of such thinking is an act of emotional self-preservation.
Example Application in Coaching
Scenario: A teacher says, “If I don’t grade everything the day I assign it, I’m failing my students.”
Coach’s Response: “What would it look like to let go of that thinking?”
Teacher’s Reflection: “Maybe I’d set a realistic grading timeline, prioritize feedback where it matters most, and give myself more space to plan great lessons.”
Next Steps: The coach could support the teacher in defining healthy boundaries around feedback, exploring what expectations are internal vs. external, and designing a grading approach aligned with impact rather than urgency.
Additional Questions to Deepen the Conversation
“Where did that belief come from, and how has it helped you?”
“What might become possible for you if you let this go?”
“What would change for your team—or your students—if you led from a freer mindset?”
Final Reflection for Coaches and Leaders
Letting go of unhelpful thinking isn’t about ignoring reality—it’s about making space for a different one. This question doesn’t demand immediate change; it opens the door to imagination, permission, and relief. It’s one of the most powerful tools in mindset coaching because it says: You don’t have to keep carrying this. Use this question when someone is on the edge of transformation but doesn’t yet believe they’re allowed to live or lead differently. It’s an invitation to freedom.
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