What Story Are You Telling Yourself?
Coaching Question of the Week
The Coaching Question
“What story are you telling yourself?”
When to Use This Question
When a teacher or leader is reacting emotionally to a situation, potentially based on assumptions.
When someone is stuck in a negative narrative about their effectiveness or circumstances.
When addressing self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or limiting beliefs in coaching.
When helping a team shift perspective on a challenge or conflict.
The Problem This Question Aims to Solve
We all create narratives to make sense of our experiences, but sometimes those stories limit our potential. Educators and leaders often tell themselves stories like, “I’m not good at this,” “They don’t respect me,” or “This will never work.” These internalized narratives can shape behavior, decision-making, and engagement in learning. This question invites self-awareness and opens the door for reframing negative or unproductive stories into ones that support growth.
The Research Behind It
Narrative Identity (McAdams, 1993) – People construct personal stories that shape their identity and sense of meaning. Recognizing and revising these narratives can lead to personal and professional growth.
Cognitive Reframing– The way we interpret situations impacts our emotional and behavioral responses. Reframing a limiting story into a more constructive one can foster resilience and motivation.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (Merton, 1948) – Beliefs about ourselves and others influence outcomes. If someone believes they are ineffective, they may unconsciously act in ways that reinforce that belief. Challenging these stories can lead to different results.
Example Application in Coaching
Scenario: A teacher frustrated with student behavior says, “These kids don’t care about learning. Nothing I do makes a difference.”
Coach’s Response: “What story are you telling yourself?”
Teacher’s Reflection: “I guess I’ve been assuming they don’t care, but maybe they’re just not engaged in the way I expected.”
Next Steps: The coach could help the teacher explore instructional strategies that increase engagement, reinforcing a more constructive narrative: “How might we create learning experiences that connect with their interests?”
Additional Questions to Deepen the Conversation
“What assumptions are embedded in this story?”
“How would someone else involved in this situation tell the story differently?”
“What happens if you rewrite the story with a different ending?”
Final Reflection for Coaches and Leaders
The stories we tell ourselves shape our mindset, behaviors, and leadership. By bringing these narratives to light, we empower educators to rewrite them in ways that foster growth, possibility, and impact. Coaching with this question invites reflection and transformation, helping people move from limitation to learning.