What Could This Behavior Be Protecting?
Start to chip away at the behaviors that signal disempowered mindsets
The Coaching Question
“What could this behavior be protecting?”
When to Use This Question
When a teacher or leader is engaging in behavior that seems avoidant, defensive, or self-sabotaging.
When someone is stuck in a repeated pattern that isn’t serving them but feels emotionally charged.
When exploring surface-level resistance that may be rooted in deeper fears or past experiences.
When coaching someone who’s detaching, surrendering, or overcompensating in ways that block growth.
The Problem This Question Aims to Solve
Not all resistance is laziness or defiance. Often, the behaviors we see—whether it’s emotional withdrawal, people-pleasing, control-seeking, or apathy—are actually protective mechanisms. They arise to shield individuals from vulnerability, failure, or disappointment. This question moves the conversation from judgment to curiosity and compassion, inviting a deeper look at the emotional root of behavior.
The Research Behind It
Disruptive Mindset Coaching (BOOK INCOMING in 2025) – Protective patterns fall into three categories: Overcompensate, Detach, and Surrender. Each emerges when growth feels threatening. This question helps surface the beliefs behind those patterns.
Defense Mechanisms (i.e. Freud, 1936; Vaillant, 1977) – People often unconsciously protect themselves from emotional pain through behaviors that serve short-term relief but block long-term growth.
Kegan & Lahey’s Competing Commitments (2009) – When behavior contradicts goals, it’s often serving a hidden commitment to safety. Understanding that commitment helps shift the behavior.
Example Application in Coaching
Scenario: A teacher constantly over-prepares and micromanages group work, leaving no room for student ownership.
Coach’s Response: “What could this behavior be protecting?”
Teacher’s Reflection: “Maybe I’m afraid that if I let students take control, they’ll fail—and it’ll reflect badly on me.”
Next Steps: The coach could explore where this fear originated, offer examples of structured student ownership, and co-design a small risk the teacher can take to test a more balanced approach.
Additional Questions to Deepen the Conversation
“What does this behavior help you avoid feeling?”
“If you weren’t doing this, what would you be vulnerable to?”
“When did this strategy first start working for you?”
Final Reflection for Coaches and Leaders
Every behavior is doing something—especially the ones that don’t make sense on the surface. By asking this question, we honor the wisdom inside protective patterns and make space to gently unlearn them. This is not about fixing people—it’s about helping them feel safe enough to grow. Use this question when someone’s stuckness is more than resistance—it’s protection.