This Action Doesn’t Align With Your Values—What’s Going On?
Coaching Question of the Week
The Coaching Question
“This action doesn’t align with your values—what’s going on?”
When to Use This Question
When a teacher or leader is acting in a way that contradicts their stated beliefs.
When someone is justifying behavior that doesn’t reflect their core values.
When there’s a disconnect between what someone says matters and what they’re doing.
The Problem This Question Aims to Solve
Sometimes people act out of survival, not alignment. They say they believe in student voice, but micromanage every decision. They say they value collaboration, but isolate themselves under pressure. These aren’t just contradictions; they’re clues. This question brings those internal contradictions to the surface without shaming the person.
The Research Behind It
Immunity to Change (Kegan & Lahey, 2009) – Our actions often contradict our values because we are unconsciously protecting ourselves from hidden fears. Bringing these discrepancies to light can spark transformational change.
Cognitive Dissonance Theory (Festinger, 1957) – Holding conflicting beliefs and behaviors creates discomfort. When surfaced with empathy, this discomfort can become a powerful driver of self-awareness and growth.
The Skill-Identity-Value (SIV) Framework – Often, behavior misalignment is a signal that either skill is missing, identity is threatened, or a deeply held value is in conflict with another. This question helps us locate the root.
Example Application in Coaching
Scenario: A teacher who claims to value student independence is consistently over-scaffolding lessons and giving step-by-step directions for every task.
Coach’s Response: “You’ve shared how much you value student agency. This level of scaffolding doesn’t seem to match that. What’s going on?”
Teacher’s Reflection: “I guess I’m afraid that if I don’t guide them closely, they’ll fail—and that’ll reflect on me.”
Next Steps: The coach and teacher explore where this fear is coming from, identify a small way to build in more student choice, and create a plan for trying it in a low-stakes setting.
Additional Questions to Deepen the Conversation
“What value do you wish this action represented?”
“What are you afraid would happen if you did act in alignment with your values?”
“Is this a temporary compromise—or a pattern worth challenging?”
Final Reflection for Coaches and Leaders
This question is a truth mirror—but not a weapon. It’s about helping people reconnect with who they want to be, even when fear, pressure, or habit pulls them off course. It’s not about catching hypocrisy. It’s about helping someone find their way back to integrity.