Recognizing and breaking cycles
Perhaps it begins with unlearning your concept of "stuckness"
I caught myself in a familiar mental spiral the other night—the dreaded "But WHY am I doing this?" question. I know it’s never productive to question someone’s intentions… least of all my own. That realization got me thinking about spirals—how we find ourselves circling the same thoughts, the same challenges, over and over.
So instead of staying stuck in one myself, I decided to write this for you. And I think it turned out alright.
Feeling stuck—whether in your own habits or within a team—can feel like running in circles. But we aren’t just looping back to the same place; we’re revisiting familiar challenges from a higher vantage point. Growth isn’t about avoiding repeated struggles—it’s about learning to meet them differently. As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”
But what if part of knowing better is unlearning the way we think about being stuck?
Rethinking Stuckness: The First Disruption
If you are stuck and you feel stuck about feeling stuck, then the first thing that needs to change isn’t your actions—it’s your mindset about stuckness itself. We often treat it as failure, as proof that we’re doing something wrong. But what if feeling stuck isn’t a dead end? What if it’s part of the process?
Adam Alter reframes this in Anatomy of a Breakthrough:
“In truth, we all face roadblocks—and being stuck is a feature rather than a bug on the path to success.”
We assume that feeling stuck means we’ve hit a wall, so we throw ourselves against it, hoping sheer force will break it down. But what if stuckness isn’t a barrier—it’s a signal?
This is where unlearning becomes essential. The way we respond to being stuck is often conditioned by old mental models:
If you always overanalyze, you assume thinking more will solve the problem.
If you default to pushing harder, you assume more effort will create movement.
If you seek external validation, you assume someone else’s opinion will unlock progress.
But breakthroughs don’t come from doing more of the same. They come from disrupting the way we think.
“Mental difficulty is a sign of progress rather than stagnation.” – Adam Alter
Instead of asking, “How do I get unstuck?”, ask:
What if this isn’t stuck at all? What if I’m just on a spiral, seeing this challenge from a new angle?
What do I need to unlearn about how I define progress?
What if I stopped treating this as a problem to solve and instead saw it as part of my evolution?
The first disruption isn’t a bold action. It’s a shift in how you see the problem.
How to Spot If You Are in a Cycle (Individually)
You might be in a personal cycle if you notice:
Recurring struggles – The same challenges (conflict with authority, self-doubt, imposter syndrome) keep appearing in different contexts.
Emotional déjà vu – Familiar frustrations, anxieties, or disappointments surface, even in new situations.
Repeated relationship patterns – The same dynamics show up in different friendships, work environments, or partnerships.
Avoidance of discomfort – You sidestep the same types of conversations or decisions.
Feeling ‘stuck’ but busy – You’re constantly working, yet it feels like no real progress is happening.
Growth followed by regression – After making progress, you find yourself slipping into old habits.
Breaking Personal Cycles
Unlearn the assumption that being stuck is failure. What if this is just the next stage of your spiral?
Recognize the pattern. What keeps showing up? What might life be trying to teach you?
Identify disruptors. What external events (positive or negative) have shaken your patterns before? How can you use them now?
Experiment with new responses. If your usual reaction is to overthink, try acting quickly. If you typically push harder, try stepping back.
Take very small steps. Alter reminds us, “Do very, very small things when large or even moderate things are overwhelming.”
Trust the process. Progress is not linear—it’s cyclical. You’re meeting an old lesson with new wisdom.
How to Spot If Your Team Is in a Cycle
Teams get stuck too—trapped in habits, assumptions, and ways of working that no longer serve them. You might be in a team cycle if you notice:
Recurring frustrations – The same conflicts, inefficiencies, or morale issues keep surfacing.
Stagnant discussions – Meetings feel repetitive, revisiting the same problems without new solutions. There’s often blame without action.
Resistance to change – Even beneficial shifts are met with skepticism or avoidance.
Reverting to ‘the way we’ve always done it.’ Despite moments of innovation, old habits take over.
Breaking Team Cycles
Unlearn the belief that problems are “new.” Instead, ask: What patterns are repeating?
Recognize the cycle together. Name and discuss the challenge openly.
Identify disruptors. Has there been a crisis, leadership change, or moment of success that could serve as a pivot point?
Reevaluate assumptions. What beliefs or habits are keeping the cycle in place?
Make one key shift. Instead of trying to overhaul everything, focus on a single behavior change to create momentum.
Use external perspectives. A coach, mentor, or new team member can provide a fresh lens on recurring challenges.
Reframe failure. As Alter says, “If you aren’t ready to embrace failure, you can try relaxing your definition of success.”
Create ‘bounce forward’ moments. Instead of just restoring normalcy after disruptions, ask: How can we use this as an opportunity to propel forward?
Reflection Questions
For Individuals:
What themes keep showing up in my life?
How am I different from the last time I faced this challenge?
What do I need to unlearn about how I define progress?
How can I stop resisting this and instead engage with it differently?
What small shift can I make to disrupt this cycle?
For Teams:
What challenges keep resurfacing despite changes in leadership or strategy?
What assumptions are keeping us stuck?
How do we typically react when we hit roadblocks?
What’s one small change we can implement today?
How can we use this cycle as a catalyst instead of a setback?
Final Thought: Unlearning Stuckness is the First Step
Kelly Wendorf writes, “Recognize when resistance to change is present and nudge yourself forward gently.” That’s the key. We can’t force breakthroughs, but we can change how we think about them.
Alter reminds us:
“The golden rule is that getting unstuck almost always takes longer than we expect—and too often we surrender just a few steps short of the finish line.”
Unlearning is the first disruption. The moment we stop seeing stuckness as failure, we stop fighting it—and start using it.
Suck it up, buttercup, and get your butt out the door. You haven’t finished yet.
One day at a time, folks. 🔺