4 Things to Know About Empathy-Driven Coaching
Some technical stuff that will help you apply these principles right away
This piece was originally an Everyday Principal issue, a highly recommended source. It has been refined slightly.
Maria Gregory went in to support the fifth graders for their math block. Earlier in the week, she had discovered that the class with the long-term substitute was over three days behind in their lessons and needed help to complete any task for the well-meaning substitute. As a good administrator, Maria stepped in immediately to solve the problem. She found herself teaching jam-packed lessons for one group of fifth graders to get them caught up and model for the substitute.
Maria approached Sherri Randall, the only other fifth-grade teacher on the team, and asked her for help. They arranged to have both classes for the start of the math lesson in her classroom for the next day’s lesson. Kids sat on the floor as Sherri did her best to manage and hear from both classes as Maria and the substitute supported.
After the lesson, Maria generated action steps based on what she saw from the double-class lesson. Since Maria believes that every interaction is an opportunity to coach so even though Maria intended to aid in the execution of a math lesson, she can still use it as an opportunity to make Sherri better.
Maria landed on pushing her to do “turn and talks.” She paused for a moment, thinking about Sherri’s experience. Sherri had doubled the number of students in her classroom for this block. Perhaps she was hesitant to let that many students have a discussion. Maria needed more evidence:
Observational evidence: Has Maria ever seen Sherri do a “turn and talk” ever? If so, when? What was the context? Was it effective?
Lesson plans: Does the curriculum incorporate turn and talks? Does Sherri include turn and talks in her lesson plans in some way?
Other evidence: Has Sherri ever talked about turn and talks? Mention them in professional development or in passing?
Maria couldn’t remember seeing turn-and-talks before, so that was shaky evidence. She turned to the lesson plan. Right there, on today’s lesson, was “turn and talk.” Sherri had planned for a turn-and-talk but didn’t execute it.
Maria had two choices: press on with turn-and-talks because we know it will be impactful or pivot to a different, potentially less impactful action step based upon this evidence.
As leaders, we often hear mantras about holding high expectations. Stay the course. Don’t let the detractors detract you from what is right. These mantras are closely held beliefs that sometimes hold leaders back from tapping into the empathetic parts of their brains.
Looking at the situation objectively, there are three key facts. First, the teacher voluntarily took two classes of students to teach them a math lesson, doubling the mental and emotional capacity required to complete that lesson. Second, despite knowing about turn and talks, she still didn’t execute them and very few students had an opportunity to use their voices during the lesson. Finally, Maria was not there to observe or provide feedback; therefore, there is limited observational evidence, and the feedback would be a nice surprise. Feedback is a gift when done right.
If there was a moment for empathy-driven coaching, this was it.
Number 1: Empathy and accountability are not dichotomous.
One common misconception in coaching is the perceived dichotomy between empathy and accountability. Some may argue that empathy implies leniency, while accountability demands strict adherence to goals and objectives. However, the reality is quite the opposite—empathy and accountability are not mutually exclusive; they are, in fact, powerful allies.
Empathy in coaching involves understanding the teacher’s (or client) emotions, perspectives, and challenges. It creates a supportive environment where individuals feel heard and validated. On the other hand, accountability ensures that the coaching process remains focused on goals and outcomes. When these two elements work in harmony, a coach can guide clients through challenges while holding them responsible for their actions.
For instance, instead of imposing expectations, an empathetic coach may seek to understand the underlying reasons behind a client's struggles. By doing so, the coach can tailor strategies that resonate with the client's unique situation. This personalized approach fosters a sense of understanding and strengthens the commitment to achieving set goals.
Related Readings:
Number 2: Empathy affects action step scope
In a typical coaching cycle, coaches will observe a classroom, collect evidence, and define an action step based on the evidence. These action steps, which drive all coaching conversations, should be high leverage, something they can master in a week, and measurable. When approached with empathy as a guiding principle, coaches play with the scope of the action steps. Coaches consider two factors:
1) the teacher's emotional state
2) learning style, recognizing their unique needs and preferences
Determining the breadth of instructional application, coaches can vary the scope of the action step, focusing on specific aspects or situations or encompassing a comprehensive array of scenarios or behaviors. Ways to narrow or broaden an action step:
Location/Time: The action step can be applied at more specific locations or times, such as a lesson time, instructional block, or specific parts of the building.
Cognitive Load: The action step varies by the amount of the teacher's cognitive load. Think about levels of thinking and Bloom’s taxonomy. The action steps may include opportunities for self-reflection and self-assessment.
Multiple Skills: Narrow down the action step to address a specific aspect of teaching or a particular skill, rather than trying to tackle multiple areas simultaneously.
Target Audience: Specify the specific group of students or the context in which the action step will be implemented, allowing for a more targeted and tailored approach.
Factoring in a teacher’s learning style and emotional state allows the coach to be strategic with their action steps.
Number 3: Evidence drives all decisions, and it includes “gatekeeper questions”
Decisions are not made based on gut feelings or assumptions. Evidence plays a pivotal role in shaping the coaching experience. As we say in the Maria and Sherri example, leveraging evidence allowed Maria to make strategic decisions about the direction of her feedback. However, we cannot discount the power of active listening and effective questions. One effective tool in empathy-driven coaching is using "gatekeeper questions."
Gatekeeper questions are designed to elicit specific information and evidence from the client. They bridge empathy and accountability, ensuring that decisions are grounded in the client's experiences and perceptions. For example, instead of merely asking, "How are you?" a coach might pose a gatekeeper question such as, "Who do you need me to be right now?" Gatekeeper questions include:
Who do you need me to be right now?
What are you hoping to get out of this conversation right now?
How would you like to orient this conversation?
Is this conversation about solutions or something else right now?
I sense something might be beneath the surface; would you be willing to explore that with me?
What thoughts are running through your mind right now?
What are your immediate needs, and how can I help?
What can we do together?
By incorporating gatekeeper questions, coaches encourage clients to reflect on their experiences, fostering a deeper understanding. This evidence-driven approach not only clarifies the coaching process but also empowers clients to take ownership of their development.
Number 4: Identify the presenting need but default to the “coaching persona”
Empathy-driven coaching begins with identifying and understanding the client's presenting needs. We can break these needs into two main categories: “relief” or “fix.” Relief involves providing temporary support to help teachers navigate immediate challenges, offering emotional assistance, and providing strategies to cope. Coaches adopting the relief track aim to alleviate short-term stress, acknowledging the long-term impact it can have on teachers' mindsets. Coaches can take the persona of a buddy, parent, or therapist when working towards providing relief.
On the other hand, fixing focuses on addressing underlying problems and fostering long-term professional growth. Coaches collaborate with teachers to identify areas for improvement, set goals, and implement sustained changes. Coaches can embody a consultant, professor, or coach when striving towards a fix.
Selecting the appropriate approach involves considering whether relief or fix is needed, evaluating emotional and mindset barriers, and determining the best course of action for the teacher's professional development. Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to coach, so even short interactions in the hallway can support the whole educator.
Ultimately, coaches should aim to operate as a coach as much as possible, as it is in this coaching modality that the most teacher growth can occur. In the coaching persona, coaches build concrete, narrow skills through practice-based conversations. However, staying exclusively in this type of coaching limits opportunities to unpack mindsets and care for the person - not just the “client.” An empathetic coach strives to uncover the best applications of personas by actively listening, observing, and asking insightful questions. Instead of relying solely on external cues, such as explicit goals or challenges, the coach seeks to understand the client's internal landscape.
For instance, a client may need better time management, which seems straightforward. However, an empathetic coach, attuned to the coaching persona, may identify underlying issues related to prioritization, motivation, or work-life balance. The coach can provide more targeted and sustainable solutions by addressing these core aspects.
Conclusion
Empathy-driven coaching transcends conventional approaches by recognizing the interconnectedness of empathy, accountability, and evidence-based decision-making. By understanding that empathy and accountability complement each other, coaches can create a supportive yet goal-oriented coaching environment. Gatekeeper questions act as a guide, ensuring decisions are rooted in evidence and the client's unique experiences. Lastly, the emphasis on the coaching persona allows coaches to prioritize the right moves at the right time, knowing that capacity building is the ultimate goal. Coaches can strive to identify presenting needs at a deeper level, leading to more impactful and transformative coaching experiences.
FYI: This is a LITTLE glimpse of “Who Do You Need Me to Be?” I hope that you enjoyed it.